Dear Mr. Hallmark ….. One More Time

(Sent to me by Grief Haven)

Hello there Mr. Hallmark man,

I wrote to you in May

To ask that words of love be shared

With my mom on Mother’s Day.

Just as there is no card for Mom

To let her know I care,

There is no card for my dad, too,

And I have so much to share.

It’s very hard for my loving dad

To know that I’m okay.

To protect me was his job, he feels,

So he thinks he failed some way.

Although I had to leave this world,

While still considered young,

There is no way he ever failed—

There’s no more he could have done.

My dad he tends to question

Those things he cannot see.

I always send him little signs

To say, “Hey, Dad, it’s me!”

I hear him crying in the car,

The shower hides his tears.

He feels he has to be so strong

For those he holds so dear.

My dad he often gets so mad

At what became of me.

He wants so much to understand,

He says, “How could this be?”

I somehow need to let him know,

Though impossible it seems—

For him to live and laugh again

Will fulfill so many dreams.

The card I need to send right now

To a dad as great as mine,

Will thank him for the love he gave

Throughout my brief lifetime.

He’s still the one that I call Dad,

Our bond’s forever strong,

‘Cuz even though he can’t see me,

Our love lives on and on.

Please help me find a way

To tell my dad that when

It comes his time to leave the earth

I’ll be waiting there for him.

And also, Mr. Hallmark man,

Please help him to believe,

That nothing will ever change the fact

That my dad he’ll always be.

Father’s Day Initiative

Here is one of the first Op-Ed’s to run this week regarding the Parental Bereavement Act of 2013.  Thank you to fellow grieving dad, Kirk, for submitting this piece to his local paper in South Dakota.  Anyone else interested in submitting to their paper by Father’s Day, let me know.  Peace.

http://www.argusleader.com/article/20130611/VOICES05/306110008/My-voice-Extend-parents-work-leave-upon-loss-child

Rabbit

21 Gun Salute

I was recently out walking my yard with a landscape contractor when I spotted a baby rabbit hiding out in my ground cover.  He stayed still long enough for me to approach him and snap the above photo.  He looks like a sweet innocent little guy, but I know he will probably be helping himself to my annuals and perennials very soon, if he hasn’t already.

I used to get upset when I would see rabbits in my yard eating my landscaping.  In fact, at one time, I purchased a live “no-kill” trap to capture them and relocate them to my local forest preserve.  However, the trapping came to an end one Saturday morning while I was rushing around the house getting ready to take clients out to look at homes.  I was sitting at my kitchen table enjoying breakfast when I noticed I had caught something overnight.  The excitement came to an end when I walked over the back window and noticed I had caught a black and white rabbit.  It took me a moment to realize there was a baby skunk in the trap and he didn’t look very happy.

After I had calmed myself down, I started to go through the phone book looking for someone to remove this skunk.  I remembered I had seen a vehicle a few months prior with the words “Critter Getter” on the side of it.  I laughed to myself when I initially saw it and thought who uses this type of service in the suburbs of Chicago.  I now knew the answer to that question; it was idiots like me trying to trap rabbits.

I had finally reached this “Critter Getter” guy and explained my situation.  I had to listen to him lecture me about how I shouldn’t be trapping without a license.  He then went on to tell me that this skunk was going to die if I didn’t get him out of the cage and the heat soon.  My next logical question was “how much?”  His response was “$100”.  “Done”, I replied.  I usually like to negotiate, but this time a hundred bucks sounded like a great deal.

One would think that this would be the end of me trying to rid my yard of rabbits.  I went on to try several other home remedies and store bought organic sprays.  Some worked, but most of them didn’t.  It seemed to change depending on the year.

The quest to rid my yard of rabbits ended in the summer of 2006.  It was about 2 weeks after I lost my son Noah.  It was mid-June and I was still home from work after losing Noah and would be for another 2-3 months.  I was not doing well but still managed to do some things around my house.  My wife and I would stay up until midnight and would get up until around 10 AM.  My wife also took that time off of work and we spent this time together trying to find our way through the pain of profound grief.

Most people that know me know that I have a tendency to have very bizarre dreams from time to time.  During one of these 10 hour sleep sessions, I had a dream that would forever change the way I look at these furry little guys.  The dream was fairly short, but very vivid.  In my dream, I remember looking into my back yard and seeing rabbits of different sizes and shapes standing (yes, standing on their back feet) out by my back fence.  When I walked out to these rabbits, each one was standing on their back feet and holding a rifle into the air.  I asked them what they were doing and one of them looked at me and said “we are giving Noah a 21 gun salute”.

It took me several years to be able to tell that story without choking up.  Ever since that dream I see rabbits differently.  In fact, since the death of Noah, I have a new sense of respect and compassion for wildlife and nature in general.  I believe Noah was a kind soul who would have come home with every stray in the neighborhood.  I love and miss him greatly.  Although I never got to know him, he continues to send me unexpected gifts.

The following is a poem that was sent to me by a fellow grieving dad.  Great poem.  Can any of you relate?

MY DADDY’S GRIEF

If you ask my Dad how he feels?
He’ll probably be as quiet as the midnight air
Because of this horrible pain he tries to bare
And If you ask him and he just quietly sighs
Look harder, you’ll see the pain in his eyes
Even if he does happen to tell you he’s coping
Then that just surely means…….He is hoping?
If he happens to mutter out, I’m surviving today
Oh then trust me, you know he is really not Ok
He has been so very quiet since that awful day
It’s just so hard for him to find the words to say
He really thinks he has to be stronger than steel
But he is just very fragile, suffering this ordeal
He feels like he has to hide away all those tears
Just suck it all in, and show no one of his fears
I’m his child in heaven, and he’s hurting oh so bad
He gets up and goes every day, even though he’s sad
He watches my mommy cry and holds her oh so tight
He always tears up, but holds back with all of his might
If you ask, how are you today, and he says oh I’m just fine
He’s really not; he needs a hug, that’s definitely a sure sign
His heart is burdened with such terrible doubts often everyday
Please let him know, he didn’t let me down or fail in any way
I know he loves me very much and he thinks of me each day
But his poor heart is so broken, so please help him find a way
To find peace, comfort and a voice to shed his grief and pain
For without it, he cannot start to heal and lighten grief’s stain
Also tell him its ok to lose it, break down and shed those tears
Cause it takes more strength to cry, then to hold back the fears
I love you daddy, I’m always here with you, we’re never far apart
So for me, could you begin to heal and open back up your heart.

In Loving Memory of my Angel Boy, Matthew Hunter Vinson
Author JP Vinson
Written February 7, 2013