In the end, while tough, it was just 3 more days without him….plain and simple…..Dammit.

thanks for the kind words……

Pat

You are welcome on both the website and the book. It is healing for me to provide as much support as I can to other dads that find themselves apart of this tough life long journey.

Thank you for referring other dads to the book and this site. Also, thank you for the work you do, I worked closely with a bereavement coorinator at the materinty center and it was very helpful to have someone there with us. Tough job, but I am sure it is rewarding.

Peace.

Kelly

I am sorry for the delayed response. I am also sorry for the tough day you were having on Monday. Anniversaries are days that weigh heavy on our mind as they approach, but when they pass you have a tendenancy to feel a sense of relief that you actually survived it.

I know it hurts like hell to write your story, but you have to, its another way to get it out. I use to write or tell my story with tears and snot dripping off of me (I know its gross, but its the truth) while I wrote those words. I hated doing it, but everytime I was done, I felt a small sense of relief from the pain I just released.

I know my words cannot erase you pain Pat, but know that I am so very sorry you had to lose your son Graham. So very sorry.

Peace.

Kelly

Peace,

Kelly

That day started out well. My wife and I worked all day at our cabin near Leadville, CO and had made substantial progress on a long-standing project we needed to get done on the house. We headed towards home about 3pm….stopping for something to eat and then driving on…in and out of cell service most of the way.

When we started getting closer to home we came back into cell service and the phone beeped a couple of times that there were messages. We grabbed the first one….and it was friends wanting to maybe hook up for dinner later that night….

and the THE call came that all parents fear. It was the los alamos, NM sheriff…and all the message said was “your son has been involved in an accident and you need to come to NM immediately”

We were minutes from home….so we blasted in…told our youngest what had happened..grabbed some clothes….and headed south.

I drove WELL over the speed limit for 5.5 hours…at times up to 100 mph…

Unfortunately….we still didn’t make it before he passed. He had been Flight for life’d to Santa fe…never regained consciousness…and passed one hour before we arrived.

It hurts like Hell to write all of this but I wanted you all to know just the same.

here’s a link to the announcement we placed in the local paper if you care to read more about his all-too-short life…
http://www.vaildaily.com/article/20110518/NEWS/110519875

I love you my son. Thanks for listening, Dads….

Wow, Kevin, your son Shanon and my daughter Leslie are so close. Her birthday was June 1, she passed July 1. And as I get closer to those milestones, the weight of it all gets heavier and heavier. There are days when if I didn’t have another daughter and 3 grandchildren, I find myself thinking: What’s the friggin’ point? I hate this life as it is.

And when I hear the goddamned stupid, moronic comments some insensitive people make — and I, too, have heard some of the same – “Oh, I know just how you feel. My dog died.” or hints that I “should be moving past it..” I want to kick the shit out of them. People don’t know how to handle death. And yes, it happens all the time and it will happen to everyone, still, one would think you’d know how to be careful and think before you speak. And when it’s your child, when it goes against the natural order of things — we shouldn’t bury our children — I find I have to walk away or I will explode.

My heart goes out to all of us who are part of this damn society we barely knew existed, and certainly never expected to join.

Thanks for sharing and listening.

I hear a lot of guilt in your comments. We as dads are masters at the guilt thing, I have to say the guilt almost destroyed me and it was tougher on me than the actual grief. I beat the hell out of myself for a long time. Easy to point finger at ourselves with the should’ve and could’ve questions.

I dont blame you, I fell like smacking the shit out of people every once in a while myself.

Thanks for sharing.

Kelly

I applaud you for taking a step and deciding to go into Shanons bedroom fro the first time. Tough, tough step buddy. “Going through stuff in your head” is a normal part of this process even though its exhausting.

Your coworker is correct, people die all of the time, but I can assure you he hasn’t lost a child, because if he had, he would say something so ignorant. Sometimes people just need to keep shit like that to themselves. I remember leaving the funeral of a friends son. He was lost at birth. I remember leaving the funeral and looking at my wife and saying “do you really think its that hard, they didnt even know the child”. Looking back, I know that was a stupid comment on my part because about 12 months later, I found out for myself. The answer is YES. Stupid thing to say, but I didn’t say it to the parent, I know better.

Rant here anytime, it helps you and many others that read your thoughts and experiences. Peace.

Kelly